15 litre stockpot, $9.50

The kitchens of fine-dining restaurants are known as high-pressure workplaces. But why all the pressure? Instead of bursting a blood vessel or yelling at an underling over some tycoon or socialite’s entrée, I wonder if restaurant staff ever stop and think, “Wait a second – it’s just a bunch of posh twats out there. Half of them are on expense accounts, half of them are on fad diets. Why do I even give a shit?”

I always feel resentful whenever I read about lavish Hollywood parties at which exquisite food is served. Surely celebrities don't maintain their size-zero figures by eating it.