Flags that have found their way to an op shop

Last Wednesday, it was as if the streets were full of state motorcades. But no, they weren’t motorcades; just scores of ordinary Australians driving around with flags attached to the sides of their vehicles.

Are we really prouder, more us-and-them and more showy about it than we used to be? Or have businesses merely found a new way to flog cheap tat to us on an annual basis and we’ve blindly followed them into this new world of product-driven patriotism? Of course, Australian flag merchandise has always existed; but as kitsch for tourists, not expressions of self-love.



These days, supermarkets and two dollar shops start filling up with Australian flag thongs, shorts and hats within days of the new year. And it always takes me by surprise: I still expect the red polyester lingerie and heart-shaped balloons to be next.

* The Herald-Sun hat, coming soon to an op shop near you! (But of course - there are millions of the things.)

Tiara and two-tier veil, $150

Rednecks and foreigners have something in common: they’re as likely as each other to mistake an Australian-born Asian for a mail order bride. On the odd occasion it’s happened to me I’ve thought, “No… really? But mail order brides are skinny and pretty. Well, okay… hey, cheers!” Historically, however, these partnerships haven’t been interracial. In gold-rush era America the practice involved women with limited prospects travelling from cities to the frontier to marry men who’d placed ads. in newspapers or magazines. The internet has largely replaced the use of newspapers and magazines for this purpose, much as it has for the modern day bride wanting to sell her bridal gear. There are over 1000 pre-loved wedding dresses for sale at I Do Gowns, as well as accessories.

The longest I’ve owned a pair of sunglasses is four years. In that period I lost them and found them again dozens of times, once even leaving them behind during a property inspection and then finding them again when my dad ended up leasing the property. It’s because sunglasses are the sort of thing you take on and off all day, like gloves. But not fingerless gloves. You can leave your fingerless gloves on while you eat your croissant, apply your lip balm or pick a note out of your wallet. These ones, by Body Parts, are made of felted, second-hand woollen jumpers.

2m long recycled silk
crotcheted scarf, $24.95

As a mother, I’m not particularly fussed about Mother’s Day. After all, I rule the roost, so my being a party to Mother’s Day is a bit like an elected politician giving herself a pay rise, or a business owner receiving end-of-year gifts from employees instead of vice versa. But as a daughter, I’ll be damned if my mother is going to be the only one without a present to open or an afternoon tea to go to come Mother's Day.

Glasses, $1

For a few years now my boyfriend has been getting one or two tension headaches a month. He has been using an analgesic/calmative but recently, at a gig in the city, he turned to me and asked whether the bloke on stage with the long blonde hair and very tight pants was good-looking. Instead of replying I handed him my glasses. Nope, the bloke was not good-looking and yes, my boyfriend’s eyesight was probably the headache culprit. Op shops are full of what I presume to be dead people’s glasses, and after picking out this pair we made an appointment with an optometrist.

My boyfriend has donned women’s sunglasses more often than he cares to remember. One time, he picked up a pair at work that he thought were his and duly wore them over the next few months until his fiftysomething teacher’s aide, Heather, finally decided to point out that they were in fact hers. So I can understand his unwillingness to wear Wayfarers. Wayfarers are most commonly associated with Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly, but anyone who caught sight of Adam Goldberg’s neurotic American in  2 Days in Paris can’t have failed to have noticed that the shape can be very becoming on men. I found a pair for $4 in a second-hand superstore that was stacked with contemporary clothing. All the Made in the New China brands you’ve never heard of were well represented.

4kg box of hair bands, $4

A woman with long hair will always need hair bands. A single hair band has a limited life span, even if it doesn’t get misplaced before it’s time is up. So when I came across a box of remaindered hair bands I grabbed one handful, then two, then picked up the whole box. The price I was quoted for the lot was so absurd that I told the shopkeeper she’d better double it. Unfortunately, a lifetime supply of anything does tend to bring to mind the rather sobering fact of our mortal coil, but a bargain’s a bargain.